My first match here in MASQ and it’s a big one! Coldblooded Mutanto, it will be an honour to step into the ring with you, and an even greater honour to prove to you and to everyone on this island and beyond the old truth that the bigger they are, THE HARDER THEY FALL!
Let it not be said that I do not acknowledge you. You are large! Powerful! Strong! Wealthy beyond wildest imagination! But, your status as a physical specimen comes at a cost so large that even the wealth of every human to ever draw breath could never pay it.
YOUR EGO also matches the size of your prodigious fishlike dome! So, Fishface, consider this. I am the ego check that you desperately need. You may well be larger and more powerful than Phonk, but I do not need muscles to beat you! I need the brain! The thinking brain! The most powerful muscle a human has! Fish have tiny brains! I will therefore OUTTHINK YOU!
I have endured many beatings in the past! I will take every one of your best shots and use it to fuel my soul and the energy that flows through my veins as I move past you in the tournament to win the belt!
But why does the Phonk address you with such passion? Such verve? Such fire and energy. Well, old Fishbreath, ALLOW THE PHONK TO ILLUMINATE YOU!
YOU, Fishfingers, represent everything I don’t like. Everything I hate. Everything I DESPISE about what this great sport, and the entire world of entertainment is slowly becoming. People like you, Troutfish, or should I say, beings like you, are choking this sport. You would snatch the Mettle Championship from the grasp of the people and cling to it like a prop. You would gatekeep the belt from the true fighting warriors of the ring. The people who part with their money to see us grapple for their entertainment deserve better. They deserve a fighting champion, one who can dab on all those who hate this sport of ours. If you do that, that makes you a BOOMER. AND EL HIJO DEL PHONK, THE MODERN FACE OF ENTERTAINMENT, DOES NOT ABIDE BOOMERS!
So, Blobfish, prepare yourself for the combat of a lifetime. For you face, the unpredictable unstoppable, irrepressible EL HIJO DEL PHONK. AND AT BLOODY SNOWFLAKES, Mutanto, I will beat you. I will hit you with every move in my arsenal! I will outthink you! I will outrun you! I will prove that my guile and guts are superior to your rippling fishlike muscular appendages and your overly inflated bank balance! In front of millions and millions of screaming Phonkamaniacs, I will pin your shoulders to the mat, and as you Get Phonked, the people will only have one thing to say to you! I will be their instrument as the people of MASQ say the two words that send egos quaking all over this island and the world beyond.
OK BOOMER!