WES HOLLYWOOD
Private boat? Lady Mystique is a one-hundred and eighty foot yacht. That’s a fucking private boat, Michel!
Wes, resembling a Golden Globe wearing a red Hawaiian shirt, is aboard a perfectly adequate fishing boat. He continues to berate his assistant meanwhile a camera crew completes their setup nearby.
WES HOLLYWOOD
The crew? They’re drinking Pina Coladas, Michel. Of course they’re filming. This documentary is going to show the world that I’m not just some douchebag actor trying to become a wrestler.
Wes mutes his iPhone while Michel blabbers on .
WES HOLLYWOOD
So… we can edit this kind of stuff out, right?
Barry, lead cameraman, answers with a clear disinterest:
BARRY
Yeah… in post.
Wes unmutes his phone.
WES HOLLYWOOD
They’ll cut out the bullshit in post. Michel, back to this boat situation…
He suddenly becomes upbeat.
WES HOLLYWOOD
..Ay check it out, homies! It’s Masq-i-poppilis, the home of MASQ, and my la casa for the next several months. [Pauses.] We’re rollin’, right?
The camera zooms away from the island and focuses on Wes.
WES HOLLYWOOD
What a vibe. My dad took me here for a weekend vay-kay when I was a kid. It was like Christmas, but like every day, you know? We went to a show every night, cheered on all the cool wrestlers, and..
His voice cracks slightly, unable to fend off the sudden wave of emotion.
WES HOLLYWOOD
…that’s when I fell in love with wrestling. Last time I was truly happy. [Wes snaps out of it.] But the cuisine was absolute trash. Ever heard of a beschamel? Look–what I’m trying to get at is how special it is to be here now as a competitor.
Life steered me towards Hollywood, but my dream is to wrestle. And although you can’t see me, you know me. I’ve played your favorite soldier, your favorite playboy, your favorite space marine. I’m not your cringe wannabe wrestler, like El Masko. El Japan, Texas?! Listen, I’ve done a few rom-coms so I know a thing or two about funny, and your shit would go straight-to-blu-ray.
These other clowns are going to tell you that they’ve wrestled for twenty years. That’s cute and all, but I ain’t a stranger to the ring either. In the past three years, I’ve spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on wrestling instructors and boxing instructors who’ve streamlined the process. Why waste all that time just to become some nobody loser when I can purchase a skill-set and become the winner of the Mettle Championship tournament. Give me the lioness, give me the homewrecker–you’ll be shook by how GOAT’d I am in the squared circle because I’m Wes Hollywood, baby!
A rogue wave hits the boat and splashes Wes, drenching his full attire in salt water. As the ocean drips from his hood, he remains frozen as if he’s withholding a spasm of anger. He then spikes his phone onto the floor of the boat.
WES HOLLYWOOD
MICHEL!