Scene opens on the rear of a large chair, almost comically large in fact. Several screens fan around the wall and desk, broadcasting an endless torrent of media, social media feeds and messages into the room. The chair spins, revealing El Hijo del Phonk who is stroking what looks to be a hairless cat.
“WHAT’S UP GUYS, ITS YOUR BOY, EL HIJO DEL PHONK HERE! I’m coming to you live and in glorious technicolour from my newly constructed Phonk Cave!”
The “Phonk Cave,” upon closer inspection, would be easily revealed as a whole mass of health and safety violations.
“It’s so nice to be back at MASQ, especially after how the last couple of weeks went. First up, I BEAT COLDBLOODED MUTANTO! I HIT HIM WITH THE PHONK TACTICS JUST LIKE I PROMISED! Then, I showed up that cringe dude Wes Hollywood, the man who disrespects lucha libre just like his movies disrespect anything good about cinema. Chat, drop those Ls for Wes Hollywood, and you know what, Fs in the chat for his acting as well.”
The stream lit up with a deluge of messages directed at Wes. None of them were polite. Or suitable for broadcast
“THEN I went into a three way match…and whilst I didn’t quite come away with the win, I wasn’t pinned or submitted either! So! Medico! Keep your weird-ass latex-gloved-hands on my title and keep it warm for me!”
Phonk pauses, stroking the cat.
“So, why am I here, in my Phonk Cave, and why do I have Princess Mittens with me? Well, the powers that be have booked me against El Supervillano for the debut of Unmasked. I wanted to take this time to address him snigger with the respect hehe and hahahahaahahahahahaAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH! I’m SORRY! I CAN’T!
DUDE! Supervillains were cool like…half a decade ago? The world is sick to death of super-stuff! You would have been something back when the world wanted to see superpowered shenanigans, but you’re late dude. So so late. Almost as late as you are cringe, and you know what being cringe means don’t you….boomer
I mean, seriously. I respect you as a fighter. You’re one of the best in the ring in this company, charismatic and have one of the coolest masks. HOWEVER, you’re in the ring against Phonk! The man who beat the villainous Mutanto! I already beat one dude who called himself a villain, What’re you gonna do, call the Masters of Evil? Pray that the Injustice Society turn up to whip my ass? Because, let the Phonk be the first to tell you that calling yourself a Supervillain and screaming about world domination is one thing, but it distracts you. In the ring, I don’t want some dude with delusions of grandeur, I want you to bring the best, because I sure as hell will be, and when I beat you, the whole world will know you as the guy who JUST GOT PHONKED!”
Phonk spun his chair around, before falling off.
“AAAAAAAAARGH“