Episode I: The Phantom Menace
Grand
ft. Uncle Slam
Uncle Slam took to the Hexagon to address the fans. He said that while the last couple of weeks weren’t without hiccups, he was proud of the Masqots’ efforts and hoped to do a good job as Matchmaker…
Which is why he was announcing the January premium live event – Super Smash Masks Turbo 4K Remix!
The night would revolve around a staggered entry, over-the-top-rope battle royale featuring the whole roster! A lottery would be held at the January 20th Unmasked to determine the order of entrants.
Oh, he slapped his forehead, how could he forget!?
The winner of the match would be crowned the first-ever Grand Champion!
Should the reigning Mettle Champion happen to win, the title would be forfeited, and their reigns frozen, to be resumed the next time they hold it.
Slam hotdogged and grandstanded for the audience before making his way to the back.
Gift
ft. TRIV & El Supervillaino
Covered in gauze and sutures, TRIV grimaced while holding a bouquet of flowers in one hand and a box of chocolates in the other.
He stood in front of a black door with a familiar white skull symbol on it. Stuffing the chocolates under his arm for a moment, he reached forwards…
Knock, knock, knock!
A moment later, the door creaked open to reveal El Supervillaino!
Thunder clap
The Rogue Incarnate posed dramatically, framed against the eerie red mist which for some reason hung in his locker room.
TRIV cleared his throat. Realising who it was that had disturbed his Machiavellian scheming, El Maestro del Caos put up his dukes.
Offering the roses and chocolates in return, TRIV said that he wasn’t here to fight, but to apologise.
Lowering his guard, Villaino tilted his head in curiosity.
The evil genius had presented TRIV with a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to be part of something revolutionary, the bejewelled luchador explained.
He didn’t give it due consideration and disrespected Villaino when he rejected him.
Villaino’s horns were like the ears of an excitable puppy. The black, soulless eyes of his mask were a little less dead than usual.
TRIV said that by throwing him through a window, Villaino had given him the tough love he needed. He asked if the invitation to join Villaino’s family still stood?
The patriarch bowed his head and drummed his fingertips together. Eventually, he opened his hands at his sides. Of course it still stood, he said!
Cackling, he opened his locker room door fully, inviting TRIV to enter the mysterious red realm within.
Still clutching his gifts, TRIV entered the lair of Supervillaino…
Singles match
Pirata Aterrador
vs.
Martillo Negro de la muerte
Pirata side-stepped a big boot by Martillo and carved him up with knife-edge chops. Merely pissing the war machine off, however, Aterrador ate a URANAGE! Muerte hit the ropes and dropped a leg across his throat. He covered his airways until the referee threatened to DQ him. Martillo picked the swashbuckler up and threw him outside!
Night Owl
Pirata just got sent overboard!
The harbinger stepped over the ropes and peeled Pirata off the floor. He hurled him with authority into the timekeeper’s area, narrowly avoiding ringside personnel… Not that it would bother him! Aterrador stumbled out – INTO A RIPCORD LARIAT WHICH TURNED HIM INSIDE-OUT! Martillo heaved him up and shoved him into the Hexagon.
Queen Bea
Martillo is whippin his hammer out!
Zebra tried stopping Martillo from bringing his warhammer into the ring, but the berserker barged past him. He raised it over his head as Pirata crawled backwards… LORA THE PARROT FLEW IN MUERTE’S FACE! Well, ok, the Bulky Buccaneer threw her, but still! Martillo looked down at the plush bird.
Night Owl
MARTILLO IS GOING TO STOMP ON LORA!
“NOOO!”, cried Pirata – SCHOOLBOY! TWO-POINT-NINE – he almost got the upset victory! Muerte shot up and stormed towards Aterrador… DROP TOE-HOLD ONTO THE WARHAMMER! A dazed Martillo rolled over as Zebra removed the weapon. A CANNONBALL SENTON BOMB NETTED PIRATA ANOTHER NEAR-FALL! Muerte recovered as Aterrador looked around for what to do next.
Queen Bea
Leviathan, hydras, kraken – Pirata has slain em all, but he ain’t faced a beast like Martillo before!
Pirata grabbed his wrist and WALKED THE TOP ROPE… ARM DRAG – MARTILLO COUNTERED WITH A SPINNING SPINEBUSTER! The extinction event hoisted Aterrador up… PUMPHANDLE NECKBREAKER! The slaughter continued with a TILT-A-WHIRL BACKBREAKER! He was punishing Pirata now. Muerte slashed his throat and picked the pirate up. TOWER HACKER BOMB – DESTRUCTOR DEL TITÁN!
Night Owl
The cap’n escapes and lands on his feet behind Martillo! Hey, what’s he doing!?
Muerte wheeled round – ATERRADOR SPAT RUM IN HIS FACE! Martillo wiped his burning eyes as Pirata stashed his flask in his gear. He climbed the ropes, then grabbed Muerte’s head. He was looking to hit the SHIRANUI! WALK THE PLANK, MARTILLO – HE THREW ATERRADOR OFF! Pirata got up… CAZADOR DE ALMAS – PACKAGE PILEDRIVER BY MUERTE! HE GOT THE THREE!
Queen Bea
The warhammah smashed the cutlass to pieces, Owlie!
winner
Martillo Negro de la Muerte
Philanthro-fish
ft. El Grande Malo & Coldblooded Mutanto
Backstage, Coldblooded Mutanto floated in his personal aquarium to prepare for his match later on. Green trunks covered his modesty.
Dr. Greg fulfilled one of his many responsibilities as he filled in some paperwork.
Ring, ring!
The manager/personal assistant/chauffeur & many more things to the Creature Feature picked up his phone.
Initially frowning, he raised his eyebrows, told the caller it was Mutanto’s pleasure, then hung up and returned to his administrative duties.
Ring, ring!
Greg answered the phone again; it wasn’t unusual to get more than one call in a short period of time.
He furrowed his brow and removed his glasses. Assuring the person on the other end that Mutanto was honoured, he ended the call and resumed his clerical work.
Ring, ring!
Mutanto opened his eyes. His indentured servant grabbed the phone from the table a third time. Greg demanded to know which charity the latest caller represented, and how much Mutanto had pledged to give them!?
The Million Dollar Monster immediately clawed his way out of the tank like in a horror movie, sloshing water everywhere.
Greg cowered as the giant amphibian snatched the phone from him. He bellowed down the receiver that the caller wouldn’t get a penny out of him, and that he’d report their attempted extortion to the authorities!
Mutanto lifted Greg off the floor by his lapels. He roared in his face that if he was on the take, he’d be fish food. Greg pleaded for his life, promising that he’d never rip his master off…
Snicker!
Mutanto released Greg and let him drop to the wet floor – thud!
The long-suffering Dr. got up, brushed himself off, then they both looked at the doorway.
El Grande Malo leant against the frame with his arms folded. He asked what was wrong.
You, said Greg accusingly, pointing at The Pride of Mexico.
Sí, he confirmed. After they embarrassed him at New Games+, Malo swore revengeance. He impersonated Dr. Phil (Dr. Greg tried to correct him) and promised several charities big donations in Mutanto’s name. Now the Million Dollar Monster would have to pay up, or suffer bad PR for not keeping his word.
The gilled luchador screamed and punched the wall of his aquarium, cracking the glass.
Malo smiled and said that he felt like the man who stole from the rich and gave to the poor – Robin Williams.
He left a boiling Coldblooded Mutanto to cool off next to his terrified slave.
Streaming January 30th
Singles match
TRIV
vs.
Coldblooded Mutanto
Mutanto smelled blood as he eyed the bandaged TRIV. He started the match with a SPEAR which sent his two-tone opponent through the ropes! Coldblooded headed to the floor. He picked up TRIV and rammed him into the barricade – thud! Mutanto launched him into the steel stairs – RUMBLE! Blood seeped through TRIV’s bandages.
Night Owl
Mutanto has opened the wounds inflicted on TRIV by Supervillaino!
Creature Feature rolled TRIV inside the Hexagon. He dropped him with a sidewalk slam, then hauled him up and planted him with a RELEASE POWERBOMB for a NEAR-FALL! Mutanto pulled TRIV to the ropes, pushed down on them, and stood on him! The referee counted to FOUR, at which point Coldblooded relented.
Queen Bea
I got no sympathy for TRIV. He’s too prideful, competin’ in his condition!
The Oaxacan fought back, working the mid-section of Mutanto like a punchbag! TRIV stunned Coldblooded with a jawbreaker, ducked a big boot, then rocked him with an atomic drop! A dropkick sent him into the corner. Mutanto rebounded with a ROARING ELBOW, but TRIV countered with an ARM DRAG!
Night Owl
TRIV is using the giant’s momentum against him – very smart!
ARM DRAG, another ARM DRAG, and another ARM DRAG! Coldblooded tumbled through the ropes. Dr. Greg helped his master up, only to be shoved away. Mutanto turned round… TOPE SUICIDA BY TRIV! The black-and-white human missile took the amphibian down, but it came at a cost – more blood permeated his dressing!
Queen Bea
See, he’s a liability to himself!
TRIV struggled to his feet and went to roll under the ropes, but Mutanto grabbed his ankle and pulled him out. The scaly luchador kicked him in his bandaged ribs, then hooked his arm – RELEASE FISHERMAN SUPLEX ON THE FLOOR! Coldblooded slid into the Hexagon and preemptively raised his arms in victory as he waited for the countout…
Night Owl
Can TRIV dig deep and beat the referee’s count of ten!? He’s already at seven!
HE MADE IT IN AT NINE! A furious Mutanto hauled him up and hooked the arm. He was going to DREDGE him with the RUNNING FISHERMAN BRAINBUSTER – TRIV DROPPED DOWN BEHIND HIM! Coldblooded spun round, but TRIV swept his legs… BOSTON CRAB LOCKED IN! Mutanto thrashed and flailed like a fish out of water – HE TAPPED OUT!
Queen Bea
Mutanto thought he was eatin ribs tonight, but TRIV is havin fish!
winner
Triv
fda
ft. El Masko & Medico Muerte
A throng of people gathered round a market stall somewhere on the grounds of MASQcon.
Flasks, beakers, and vials of all shapes and sizes were painstakingly arranged on a tabletop, producing clouds of every colour of the rainbow. A sign with vintage-style typography advertised Medico Muerte’s Miraculous Medicines.
The Mettle Champion himself stood behind the stall, halfway through a well-rehearsed sales pitch.
A glass jar stuffed with banknotes and coins indicated that it’d been a lucrative day thus far.
Just as the Luchadoc seemed poised to make another killing, a suited man with a clipboard in hand stepped forwards.
Introducing himself as an agent for regulatory authorities, he said he was acting on an anonymous tip, and asked Medico if he could produce his documentation for manufacturing and selling products to the public.
Muerte tugged on the neck of his mask in discomfort. He stated that he wasn’t aware he needed his documentation on the island of Masqopolis, and he assumed it had sovereignty over such matters.
The representative corrected him, explaining that Medico must still play by federal rules. If he wasn’t able to prove his right to trade, the agent would have to shut him down.
The crowd of potential customers whispered amongst themselves. Medico rubbed the back of his head, clearly panicking.
He assured the representative that he could procure his paperwork the next day if he’d be happy to come back?
Absolutely, said the agent, to Medico’s surprise and relief. In the meantime, he added, we’ll have to seize your goods.
… Oh, said Medico, deflated.
With that, several individuals wearing dark coach jackets and shades emerged from the crowd. They carefully sealed his chemistry set piece by piece, and bagged his remedies and tinctures.
The crowd dissipated, leaving El Masko in their wake. Medico looked him in the eye and started shaking.
Masko wondered aloud whether Medico’s chloroform supply was in the goods being held, then wished the Mettle Champion luck in his first defence later.
He left Muerte to stew in his public humiliation, having a taste of his own medicine.
Phonkytown
ft. El Hijo Del Phonk & Wes Hollywood
El Hijo Del Phonk stood with a podcasting-style microphone in the ring, which was furnished with tacky gamer chairs and blue carpeting covered with social media icons. He welcomed us to his new interview segment, Phonkytown.
Your boy said he has the best hookups, then plugged some sponsors, and hyped his first guest as a red carpet, A-list actor!
Hey, wait a minute…
Sure enough, the golden visage of a surprised Wes Hollywood was beamed onto the MASQ Vision screen atop the stage.
He sat in a director’s chair, seemingly on-set, wearing a frown in addition to his mask.
Phonk thanked the thespian for joining them, noting that he’s a busy man these days.
Hollywood’s eyes darted offscreen, presumably seeking guidance from handlers. He refocused on Phonk and – gulp – licked his lips. He warily thanked the influencer for having him on the show, particularly as the two had gotten off to a rocky start…
The Keyboard Warrior insisted it was all water under the bridge and apologised for offending Wes with the content of his film review. Phonk then asked if the fans could get some info on the movie he’s been filming.
Slightly more at ease, the anthropomorphic Oscar said that Phonk was right – his legions of followers meant that he got the hottest scoops. As such, studio execs had greenlit Hollywood to give him the synopsis for the psychological thriller:
It was about an actor who landed the role of a lifetime, and was given VIP treatment. Everything about the production seemed totally legit, until he realised that it was a sham, and he’d been set-up by an old enemy who wanted to… Humiliate… Him…
Wes inhaled sharply. He sat still, blinking repeatedly as it dawned on him – there was no movie.
The whole thing was a ruse.
Inside the Hexagon, a laughing Phonk turned so that Hollywood’s feed would show him the troll face on the back of his mask.
The crowd gave a mixed reaction. Some shared in Phonk’s delight at the prank, while others covered their faces, embarrassed for Wes.
The corners of Hollywood’s mouth twitched. His eyes had a thousand-yard stare. Even Phonk looked a little unnerved when he turned back round, not getting the reaction he thought he would. The golden luchador leant forwards in his director’s chair and abruptly ended the feed to Arena 81.
Phonk stroked his chin, unsure what to make of things. He switched back into presenter mode, thanking viewers for checking out his prank, and reminding them to comment, like & subscribe to Phonkytown. He dabbed, then signed off on the segment.
Singles match
El Hijo Del Phonk
vs.
El Supervillaino
Phonk gestured to Supervillaino to give him a moment. He pulled his phone out and started livestreaming right from the Hexagon! Standing next to the Rogue Incarnate, Phonk stroked his chin and cackled maniacally. Villaino followed suit, and the two tried to outdo each other with increasingly diabolical laughs… PHONK THREW VILLAINO’S CAPE OVER HIS HEAD!
Night Owl
What a ploy by El Hijo Del Phonk, getting close enough to temporarily blind Supervillaino!
El Querido Digital tore into the ropes and flattened Villaino with a running knee to the dome! He tore his cape away and covered him for an early TWO-COUNT! Villaino got to his feet. Phonk tagged him with chops, then hit the ropes once more… ONLY TO BOUNCE OFF THE BEEFY VILLAINO!
Queen Bea
That’s it, Villaino! Now cancel this idiot from real life!
Villaino plucked Phonk off the canvas and hoisted him up for a stalling suplex. The crowd counted along as he kept him suspended mid-air… TEN, TWENTY, THIRTY – HE DROPPED HIM AT 33 SECONDS! Villaino got a TWO-COUNT! He sent him into the turnbuckle, then trapped him with multiple corner clotheslines!
Night Owl
Ya gotta think that Wes Hollywood is watching this bout and rooting for Supervillaino, wishing it was him doling out the punishment!
The Keyboard Warrior staggered out from the corner. El Maestro del Caos lifted him up once more with a MILITARY PRESS… HE DUNKED HIM TO THE FLOOR! Phonk landed with a splat on the mats. He used the ring skirt to pull himself up by a count of SIX! Villaino reached through the ropes for him – SMACK!
Queen Bea
How many [bleep] keyboards does this nerd have!?
Keys flew everywhere as Phonk clattered Villaino with a keyboard. The malevolent luchador fell backwards. Phonk scaled the turnbuckle from the apron. DAB ON THE HATERS! He landed the dabbing flying elbow right to the lump of coal Villaino calls a heart – TWO-AND-A-HALF! Phonk held up four fingers – Villaino was about to GET PHONKED…
Night Owl
Can Phonk pretzel those jacked legs of Supervillaino into the figure four!?
He tried, but Villaino kicked him onto the mat. The muscular powerhouse scrambled to his feet and charged at Phonk, who stuck out his leg! Rogue Number One blocked the trip attempt, however, and hoisted Phonk into a sitout reverse piledriver – THE SUPERVILLAINO DRIVER! He pinned his shoulders down for the THREE!
Queen Bea
Sometimes evil triumphs over good, kids!
winner
El Supervillaino
1
ft. Uncle Slam & Martillo Negro de la Muerte
Uncle Slam was busy taking calls and doing paperwork in his office, every square inch of which was covered in American flags and patriotic iconography.
Thud, thud!
The Matchmaker looked up from his desk. He called to the visitor to come in.
He took a sharp intake of breath and sat up straight as the hulking Martillo Negro de la Muerte ducked through his door to enter (and fill) the room, warhammer over his shoulder.
Biting his tongue, Slam painfully feigned a smile and asked how he could help?
Martillo stepped up to the desk and leaned over it, bathing the patriot in shadow.
He said that he was looking forward to the trial by combat at Super Smash Masks Turbo 4K Remix, but he had a request.
Slam couldn’t stop himself from rolling his eyes. He supposed Muerte wanted to enter the match last – like every other Masqot?
Martillo snarled and the Matchmaker gulped.
The berserker said on the contrary – he wanted to enter the match first.
Slam frowned and a pause followed. He said that entrants were supposed to be determined by lottery, but he couldn’t imagine anybody else would want the first spot…
He promised Martillo that he’d ask The Board, but couldn’t guarantee they’d agree.
Muerte smirked under his executioner’s mask. He said that he had a good feeling they’d go for it, then turned to leave.
Just as he reached the door, Slam stopped him and asked why he wanted to go first? It presented the worst chance of winning.
Lowering his warhammer and patting it into his meaty hand, Martillo said that, win or lose, it gave him the best opportunity to inflict pain and suffering on as many people as possible.
Ah, said Slam, nodding – of course.
With that, Muerte exited, leaving Slam to exhale and wonder how the hell he was going to keep this destroyer under control…
Singles match
El Masko
vs.
King Homewrecker
King initiated a tie-up, which Masko accepted, only to knee him in the ribs! Homewrecker hurled him into the ropes, then nailed him with a spinning heel kick. Masko shook off the cobwebs, but his sleazy foe grounded him once more with a headscissor takedown, then covered him for a one-count.
Night Owl
Don’t let his laciviousness fool you; King is a skilled & dangerous competitor!
Your Mom’s Favourite Wrestler ran towards Masko, but the honourable luchador cut him off with a THESZ PRESS! Punch, punch, punch – he pulled King to his feet and lobbed him into the corner. Masko charged in with a big splash, then scooped Homewrecker up into a slam. He pinned him for a two-count!
Queen Bea
Do ya think Homewreckah likes older women, Owlie?
Masko hit the ropes and went for a knee drop, but King rolled out of harm’s way. Masko grimaced as he held his kneecap, leaving himself open to a DDT by Homewrecker. The gyrating grappler went to the apron and slingshotted himself in with a hilo for a two-count! King slapped the mat.
Night Owl
Homewrecker should’ve known Masko wouldn’t be a pushover; he gave a valiant effort in the ladder match at New Game+!
Homewrecker lay in wait as Masko got to his feet… SPRINGBOARD FOREARM – MASKO CAUGHT HIM! T-BONE SUPLEX! Masko pumped his fist and the crowd rallied behind him. Chop, chop, chop! He ducked a clothesline and spiked King with a BACKSLIDE DRIVER! He covered him for a close NEAR-FALL!
Queen Bea
Zebra is countin quickah for El Masko, I swear!
Masko signalled for the end. He spun a groggy Homewrecker round, sandwiched his head, and hooked his arms – HONOR BOMB! KING REVERSED THE TIGER BOMB WITH A HURRICANRANA! Masko rolled onto his feet, dazed. He stumbled round… PILEDRIVER BY HOMEWRECKER! The womaniser covered him for TWO-POINT-NINE! King kicked the bottom rope.
Night Owl
Frustration is boiling over for Homewrecker! Will he make a critical mistake!?
Homewrecker sat on Masko’s back and pulled his arms back. PLEASURE AND PAIN – THE CAMEL CLUTCH! MASKO COUNTERED WITH A SNAPMARE! He threw a lariat at King, but the lewd luchador ducked it and pulled him into a GERMAN SUPLEX! Homewrecker went up high to complete the combo… MOONSAULT – BACKDOOR MAN! HE GOT THE THREE!
Queen Bea
What a man, Owlie! What a specimen! What a stud! Hey, Homewreckah, ovah he-uh!
winner
King Homewrecker
Shrinkage
ft. La Leona Del Sol & King Homewrecker
Rivulets of condensation trickled down the steamy bathroom mirror. In its misty reflection, a male scrubbed his back with a sudsy sponge on a stick as he sang in the shower.
… Creepin’ with the girl next door
Picture this, we were both butt naked
Bangin’ on the bathroom floor
He switched the shower off and stepped out of the cubicle, revealing the mask of King Homewrecker. Thankfully, the shot stayed above his waist.
The womaniser whistled the rest of the tune to Shaggy’s “It Wasn’t Me” as he wrapped a towel around his waist and stepped into the locker room.
He stopped dead in his tracks, asking what are you doing here?
La Leona Del Sol stood in the doorway, one hand on the frame, one on her hip.
The lioness slinked her way into the room and brushed against Homewrecker.
She said that she’d never met a man like him. He infuriated her at first, but she couldn’t stop thinking about him. She should’ve gone to the office about him telling Penny that they’re a couple, but it was actually kind of sweet – like something out of a romcom.
King’s eyes widened and he licked his lips. Leona took Homewrecker’s bag from the bench and skulked back to the door with it. She glanced back over her shoulder, biting her bottom lip seductively. She asked if Homewrecker would like to get changed in her dressing room…
Your Mom’s Favourite Wrestler rushed after her into the corridor –
LEONA WHIPPED HIS TOWEL OFF AND SHOT BACK INSIDE THE LOCKER ROOM!
KING TURNED AND BANGED ON THE DOOR WHILST YELLING TO LET HIM IN, BUT DEL SOL HELD IT SHUT ON THE OTHER SIDE!
The sleazy luchador turned round in all his glory. How could this get any worse…
OH MY GAWD, cried Poison Penny in her nasal voice, as she rounded the corner with her personal cameraman.
Homewrecker held his head in his hands and groaned.
Penny said that Leona told her she was going to get Homewrecker back, but she didn’t think it’d be this good! She asked King if it was cold in here?
Scowling, Homewrecker snatched the lid off a nearby trash can and used it to cover himself up as he ran away, Penny and her cameraman in hot pursuit.
Mettle championship
Barbed wire ropes match
El Grandé Malo
vs.
Medico Muerte
With a potential future Grand title match at stake, Medico took the fight to Malo! Flooring him with a takedown, Muerte stayed away from the barbed wire and subdued the challenger with amateur wrestling techniques. He forced Malo to exert himself with several one-count lateral presses. Malo, however, outsmarted the quack and escaped!
Night Owl
Medico’s still banged up from his ladder match. He has zero interest in barbed wire tonight!
The Mexico… Maine resident blasted Muerte with martial arts kicks. Malo ducked a clothesline and hit a crossbody! He picked Medico up and dragged him over to the barbed wire… REVERSE STO – MUERTE SLIPPED AWAY! The Luchadoc lunged at Malo, who caught him – EXPLODER SUPLEX INTO THE BARBED WIRE! THE BARBS SNAGGED AND TORE MEDICO’S FLESH!
Queen Bea
Checkmate is usin wirecuttahs to free Medico!
A bloodied Muerte stumbled out and dodged a SUPERKICK by Malo, then dropped him with the THREE AMIGOS suplexes! The snake oil salesman pulled him up, then snapped him into the mat with a POWERBOMB! Medico wasn’t done with his patient yet, though. He waited for him to rise… MUERTE MONKEY FLIPPED MALO INTO THE BARBED WIRE!
Night Owl
Malo has fought ranchers drunk on moonshine, but I don’t think even they used barbed wire!
Checkmate freed the veteran with the wirecutters. Medico went for a side suplex, but Malo spiked him with a CRADLE DDT! He kept hold of him and picked him up… BRAINBUSTER ONTO THE KNEE! He covered him for TWO-AND-A-HALF – almost a new champion! Malo lay in wait… BUSAIKU KNEE, THE SÚPER ÚLTIMO ATAQUE – MEDICO MOVED!
Queen Bea
Malo is tangled up worse than fairy lights in that barbed wire!
Once again extracted from the wire, a bloodied Malo stumbled into the Mettle Champion’s clutches. Muerte trapped him in a GORY SPECIAL! Malo screamed as his wounds were further opened in the submission hold. Medico transitioned it into the GORY BOMB! He hooked the leg for a TWO-POINT-NINE – nearly retaining the title!
Night Owl
Malo is exemplifying his moniker, the Pride of Mexico, in this brutal bout!
Muerte grabbed the wirecutters. HE SWUNG AT MALO, WHO DUCKED… SUPERKICK, THEN A LUNG BLOWER! The challenger got a TWO-POINT-NINE – so close! Malo picked Medico up – LOW BLOW! Malo fell to his knees. Muerte used the wirecutters to gather a short length of barbed wire… LETHAL INJECTION – BARBED-WIRE ASSISTED HANDSPRING CUTTER FOR THE THREE!
Queen Bea
Somebody get out here with a bucket – I think Medico just decapitated Malo!
winner & still Mettle Champion
Medico Muerte
Tip
ft. Pirata Aterrador & El Padrino
El Padrino sat alone at a table in a fancy restaurant. In front of him was a plate with a tiny portioned delicacy that likely cost more than your rent, and a vintage bottle worth more than your car.
A wizened waiter approached the connected Masqot. He informed him that his dinner guest had arrived.
The Don looked confused and stated that he wasn’t expecting company.
The waiter apologised and explained that the gentleman was insistent that he meet Padrino.
Sighing, the pinstriped luchador dabbed his mouth with a napkin, then beckoned him in.
Opening the door, the waiter announced fellow MASQ newcomer, Pirata Aterrador!
The walls rattled as the bombastic swashbuckler stomped into the room, Lora the plush parrot swaying on his shoulder. He greeted Padrino like an old friend with a hearty clap on the back – quickly withdrawing his hand at the look on the Godfather’s face.
Keeping his composure, Padrino smiled and asked to what does he owe the pleasure?
Pirata grabbed a fistful of bread rolls from the table and attacked them with his mandibles. Crumbs littered his beard as he explained that he wished to go into business with Padrino.
The Don raised his eyebrows. He held his hands open at his sides and said that he’s always willing to do business. He clasped his hands and leant his chin on them, inviting Pirata to share the details.
An excited Aterrador launched into his spiel, talking about the smuggling operation he runs – rum, tobacco, fine silks…
Padrino choked. The waiter looked down at his shoes. Maintaining his composure, a vein throbbed in Padrino’s temple as he assured Pirata that he only conducted legitimate business. He took a sip of wine to calm himself.
The plundering pirate obliviously asked why, then, had he heard through the grapevine about Padrino’s own cigar & alcohol smuggling business, at the docks here in Masqopolis!?
The legitimate businessman sprayed red wine over the white tablecloth. The waiter looked up at the ceiling. Padrino reiterated that Pirata was grossly misinformed, and that he couldn’t do business with him.
Aterrador blinked several times, his mouth open. He turned his head to Lora the plush parrot, seeking her counsel. Nodding along, he sighed and stood up from the table. Apologising for the misunderstanding, he tipped his hat to Padrino, then left the fine-dining establishment.
Padrino himself stood up and walked around the table to the shrivelled waiter. He took out his wallet, leafed through several crisp banknotes, then placed them into the waiter’s breastpocket and patted it, looking him in the eyes but not saying a word. The waiter smiled and thanked The Don for his tip.
Main event
La Leona Del Sol
vs.
El Padrino
Padrino made a point of extending his hand to Leona, ever the gentleman. She shrugged and shook it, skeptical of his sportsmanship. They locked up and he immediately shoved her to the mat, then slicked his hair back. They tied up again, and once more he overpowered her, then flashed her a smile.
Night Owl
El Padrino learned long ago that the best approach is to kill them with kindness!
The Don invited Del Sol to another collar-and-elbow, but the lioness kicked his hand away. Padrino’s smile faltered. They circled each other… HEADSCISSOR TAKEDOWN BY LEONA – PADRINO REVERSED IT INTO A SLAM! He laid into her with boots, then hit the ropes and dropped an elbow across her sternum!
Queen Bea
I go weak at the knees for Homewreckah, but Leona’s gotta be sick of all these men smilin at her!
That seemed to be the case, as the Lionhearted Luchadora drilled Padrino in the gut. She sent him reeling with a European uppercut, then threw him into the ropes. HURRICANRANA BY LEONA! The San Benito native hit the ropes and flattened a kneeling Padrino with a dropkick to the temple!
Night Owl
Del Sol is a fierce opponent, no doubt! Her affinity with the ropes will make her one to watch in the Super Smash Masks match!
Leona stalked Padrino like a grazing gazelle as he got to his feet. She pounced with a front facelock, then led them backwards into a corner – TORNADO DDT! She rolled over for a cover and a TWO-COUNT! Del Sol headed onto the apron and lay in wait as Padrino recovered…
Queen Bea
This is a great oppahtunity for Padrino to make a name for himself – main eventin his debut match!
SPRINGBOARD CLOTHESLINE – PADRINO SNATCHED HER OUT OF MID-AIR WITH A SPINEBUSTER! Leona sat bolt upright on impact, nursing her back. The Don kicked her, then ran the ropes and drove the wind from her lungs with a RUNNING SENTON! He slid into a pin which netted a TWO-COUNT!
Night Owl
Leona is no slouch herself. She came this close to taking Medico out of the Mettle tournament in the first round. Put them against each other now and she could take his title!
Padrino peeled Leona off the mat and sandwiched her head… POWERBOMB – DEL SOL REVERSED IT WITH A WHEELBARROW BULLDOG! The gangster’s slicked hair left an oily mark on the canvas. The Solar Sensation heaved him up and whipped him into the corner… RUNNING ELBOW! She sent to the opposite corner – RUNNING ELBOW!
Queen Bea
She’s buildin up steam!
Leona whipped him once more – BUT PADRINO SCOOPED HER INTO A POWERSLAM! Pulling her up by her whiskers, The mobster trapped her head once more, then folded her in half with his trademark POWERBOMB! He pinned her for TWO-AND-A-HALF! He gave the referee a questioning look but played it off with a smile – as always.
Night Owl
It’s creepy to me how well Padrino can keep up that facade. Isn’t that what sociopaths do!?
Calling for the end, Padrino yanked Del Sol off the canvas and picked her up for the SCOOP BRAINBUSTER – BUT SHE LANDED ON HER FEET BEHIND HIM! He spun round with a knife-edge chop, but she ducked and leapt onto the middle rope – SPRINGBOARD CLOTHESLINE! She went for a double whammy… LEONASAULT – THE LIONSAULT FOR TWO-POINT-NINE!
Queen Bea
These two are very evenly matched, Owlie! It could go either way!
Padrino seemed to realise this, as he rolled under the ropes and fetched a CROWBAR from under the Hexagon! Naturally, Checkmate tried to disarm him. The two wrestled for control of the equaliser, pulling back and forth. Leona approached them in a bid to aid the referee – DEL SOL DUCKED AN ERRANT SWING!
Night Owl
Leona almost got her damn head taken off!
Padrino let go of the crowbar so that Checkmate took possession, then blamed him for almost knocking Leona out! He turned… CUTTER DEL SOL! PADRINO BLOCKED THE OSCUTTER, HOWEVER, WITH A SLEEPER HOLD! Leona struggled in the submission but faded quickly. The Don spun her round – SCOOP BRAINBUSTER! He hooked her leg for the begrudging THREE-COUNT!
winner
El Padrino
Queen Bea
What a genius, Owlie! Padrino applied his resourcefulness for business in the ring!
Night Owl
He was going to bash Leona’s brains in with a crowbar!
Queen Bea
That’s called a hostile takeover, Owlie!
Night Owl
Tactics notwithstanding, Padrino has put the Masqots on alert. The Don has arrived in MASQ, and he means business!
Join us on January 20th for the go-home Unmasked, folks!
Goodnight!
Fade to black and roll credits.