HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH! Chat, did you see the look on Wes Hollywood’s face when he realised that I’d set him up? Let me see you drop those Fs and Ls one more time…and if you like, I’ve even got a new emote
Phonk spun around on his chair and clicked the mouse once
OF WES HOLLYWOOD’S STUPID FACE REALISING THAT HE…GOT PHONKED!
Wes’ face, flashing with the horror of realisation, filled the screen, whilst a chirpy chiptune jingle permeated the atmosphere with the words HOLLYWOOD-GOT-PHONKED looping incessantly. Eventually, Phonk snapped a finger.
But now, sadly, we turn to business. Debut show of Unmasked did not go entirely to plan for El Querido Digital . I got my ass kicked seven ways to Sunday, and I guess, El Supervillano got his name in the win column.
Phonk smiled, a flash of enamel under the mask
BUT! MUCH LIKE HOW SHITTY MOVIE STUDIOS KEEP CHURNING OUT SHITTY SEQUELS, IT’S NOT ABOUT HOW MANY TIMES YOU LOSE, ITS@S ABOUT HOW YOU BOUNCE BACK BABY, AND THE PHONKSTER KEEPS GETTING BACK UP AFTER BEING KNOCKED DOWN…AND I’VE GOT MYSELF A FOUR-WAY MATCH.
So, let’s see, who we go, and, in a deliberately explicit parody of a certain MASQTube channel…what their sins against media are.
Phonk spun on his chair, pulling up images of each of his foes in sequence
MUTANTO! Big, bad, smells of fish…and also dumpster! DING!
Being dumb enough to fall for the old “leg-trip into dumpster” prank, I mean that’s been around since the Three Stooges! DING!
Having your weird little minion, it just isn’t cool man. Restricting the agency of another and trying to normalise it because you’re a weird creepy fish who I already PHONKed up once! DING!
PIRATA ATEREDOR! You ain’t so bad, at least you’re not actually a bad person like the other two, so that’s a sin removed from the pirate! GNID!
You’re actually a man of honour! GNID!
You’re interested in entertainment, just like me! GNID!
It’s a shame I have to fight you, because I actually like you…but you still have a functioning set of shoulders that I will pin to the mat if need be!
Last…and least…KING HOMEWRECKER!
WEIRDLY HORNY! DING!
ACTIVELY PROBLEMATIC! DING!
GENUINELY ONE OF THE WORST MEN ON THIS ISLAND, BECAUSE YOUR DAMAGE GOES BEYOND THE RING? DING!DING!DING!
Phonk paused to breathe
Folks, so there we have it. Four men will walk into a ring, and this blip of form will end, just like Wes’ latest pathetic excuse for a movie. Much like when I reach the end of one of those execrable excuses for cinema, I’ll breathe a sigh of relief…and get back to PHONKING EVERYTHING UP!